A blog dedicated to NVC Lifestyle Design

& other cool stuff!



Embrace Reactivity by Robert Gonzales

by deb ~ April 3rd, 2017

I was gifted Robert Gonzales book, “Reflections on Living Compassion”, a few years back by Filipa Hope and like books often do it sat in my book shelf collecting dust.  I started reading this book about three weeks ago and all I can say is WOW.  I read over the same couple of pages for a week.  Reflecting on these pages throughout the day and am finding the book a wonderful way to deepen my inner experience and remind me of why I am so drawn to the power of deep connection through NVC.

Here is a quote from the book I am reading this week.

Embrace Reactivity

“It is a radical shift to embrace any reactivity we experience and not make an enemy of it.  Rather than saying “I must get over this, get rid of this” or “I must heal this,” we go towards our reactivity and see it as our life force expressing in us that says, “See me, allow me.”  Our liberation, our freedom is in attending to our greatest fears with an allowing presence.  The action of turning toward that which we perceive as the block in our lives is the act of self compassion.”

I would encourage anyone reading this to sit with this quote and ponder it for a week or two and see if you can make this a daily practice.

Much warmth




Great NVC interview with Tony Hawk check it out

by deb ~ September 5th, 2016

Here is a great interview where Tony Hawk talks about NVC.  

Click here to listen to Tony Hawk interview.

Click here to find out more about our next NVC Foundation Workshop.


Reflective Values Based Communication

by deb ~ August 4th, 2016


Reflective Values Based Communication

 Deb and I are now in our tenth year of facilitating practice groups and seventh year of running NVC Courses.

 We have discovered over the 10 years of Learning NVC is that to get started in having more fairer, meaningful and connected conversations it does not take a lot of NVC skill. There are some basic guidelines to follow and like any new skill it takes practice. Of course the more understanding we have of NVC the more effective we can be. This is why it’s always useful to attend at least one NVC Foundation Training.  Click here for our next NVC Foundation Training Flyer

 One thing that is very self empowering and very simple to learn is how to have reflective conversations.
In relationships this is such a connecting and powerful tool and if we can have the courage to really listen and go for understanding when the other is sharing and know we will have our turn in a few moments, then as couples we get to really be present to each other and have those challenging conversations.

Here are the key concepts and principles in a reflective conversation Continue reading »

Great Marshall Quote about Empathy

by deb ~ April 15th, 2016

surfHere is a great post about what Empathy is and isn’t.  I like this one because it says its not about psychology or diagnosis.  It is also not about fixing someone or making them feel better.  Its all about connecting to the energy and been present.  Thats all we have to do. Have a read love to hear your thoughts.

“Surfing Life Energy and watching the magic show”  Marshall Rosenberg

“Have you ever been surfing? Imagine you’re on your surfboard now, waiting for the big one to come.  Get ready to get carried with that energy.  Now, here it comes.  Are you with that energy right now?  Thats empathy.  No words – just been with that energy.  When I connect with what’s alive in another person, I have feelings similar to when I’m surfing. Continue reading »

A wonderful parenting course in Hamilton

by deb ~ February 5th, 2016

Tutor: Isabel Crawforth and Andre Ngapo

Starts Thursday 11 February

Only $85

6.30 – 9.00 pm

Click here to enroll 

What if loving and parenting unconditionally could be a daily practice instead of just an ideal? Our NVP course enables us to stay connected with our children even when it’s really hard. By growing our understanding of our children’s developing brains, learning connecting communication tools and becoming conscious of our parental choices, we can manage the challenges of parenting and provide the loving that our children truly need to thrive.

Parenting is not something that is done to a child, it is the process of being in a connected relationship. As parents, we learn to become emotional coaches for our children.

By normalizing a language of feelings to support the emotional development of each child, we lay down the foundations for all later learning. Our course teaches strategies to help grow connection with our children based on respecting the mauri/life force, tapu/intrinsic sacredness and mana/intrinsic dignity in each and every child. We know that children need nurturing guidance and age appropriate limits to keep them safe and enable them to learn the values that are important to the whānau/family.

Come and join us as we grow as parents and model for our children how to love unconditionally, even when it’s really hard.

Five Steps of NVC Mediation – By Ike Lasater

by deb ~ January 19th, 2016

Here is a very simple yet effective description of NVC Mediation by Ike Lasater.

We are offering a workshop based on Ike and John Kinyon’s work in May 2016.

We invite you to check it out.


Communicating Compassionately – NVC Foundation workshop with Deb & Wayne – Feb 20 & 21 2016 (at the moment not showing under Up and Coming Events

by deb ~ January 12th, 2016

Communicating Compassionately 20th & 21st Feb 2016 – Auckland

Five minute empathy hack – Getting connected

by wayne ~ October 23rd, 2015

Self Empathy Hack from Wayne and Deb


 Here is a five-minute Empathy hack that you can use in any situation to become more resourceful and discover a pathway forward that is empowering and grounding.  With the aim being making Empathy and Connection our default. Continue reading »

Carl Rogers Talk 1965. Awesome

by deb ~ July 28th, 2015

Here is a Talk given by Carl Rogers.  Its a great explanation of empathy.  If you are in a hurry if you listen from 16min to 25min you will here a clear explanation of what empathy is.

Carl Rogers Lecture 1965

Dunco for Alice – A poem read out during our NVC couples retreat

by wayne ~ June 16th, 2015


The below poem really captures the essence and beauty of our NVC Couples Retreat at Sharda last weekend.  Duncan wrote this for his Soul mate / other half / wife, Alice.  Thank you Duncan and Alice for being okay for us to share your wonderful words.

Dunco For Alice

I wouldn’t like to call you Soul Mate

That phrase which means we don’t differ on anything, Never arguing

But if it means we’re close, Like the sun and the wind

Then you must be my soul mate Continue reading »